Maggie Hitchin. I told you I’d write about you.

‘You are only 25 once.’ Those were the last words she spoke and then she died. She released my hand, exhaled loudly and her head fell softly on to the pillow. It was not as romantic as I am making it sound. I shit myself. I have never seen anyone die and it was a […]

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I got the Eggcentricity.

‘Should I grab Spaghetti hoops or beans?’ A mundane question, on a mundane Monday, in mundane Morrison’s. I stand by the shelf, my hand hovering between bog standard beans and Bob the Builder tomato hoops, powerless against my dithering nature. I am exhausted and because of this, it feels like a much bigger decision than it […]

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Screw You.

The gun has gone off. Its offensive and obtrusive noise ringing out through all of our lives, whether we want it to or not. The race to survive December, for those with depression, has commenced. My hands were pressed against the asphalt, my voluminous arse stuck in the air, my chubby thighs ready to break […]

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The Struggle.

You are fat and useless. Nothing you say makes sense, they are not laughing with you darling. Did you think they were? Oh bless you, you thought they liked you. They do like me don’t they?  Stop staring, they are talking about you now, they see right through you. They see under all your nice […]

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Both Feet In.

I now know the difference between a Megabit and a Gigabit. Do not ask my why, or even how, for I am unable to tell you, but if you can stretch your imagination far enough to believe I am telling the truth, I will smile For it is so true. I am a nerd, maybe. […]

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Wait… What?

Doodle the Poodle; at this very second has his bum hole hovering precariously close to my face. (Hovering, not hoovering. Just to be clear, if Doodle’s pink and puckered bum hole was hoovering close to my face, that would be an entirely different situation all together. I would almost definitely move away at a faster […]

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A Million more minutes.

‘Tomorrow is my birthday.’ I can feel the sweat starting to form on the back of my neck as I wait for the lady in front of me to pay for her shopping. We, my son and I, are appropriately dressed for the North Pole (or April in Manchester). Hats, boots, scarves, body warmers and […]

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Jennifer Anniston? I want my life back.

There was a moment, in which my tired and rung out mind tried to connect with what my eyes were actually seeing, and then when it did finally catch up, I experienced a physical shock as the realisation of what was about to happen went straight through me, as if I had been thumped hard […]

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Kiss the Rain. (Hello? Can you hear me?)

I see all these amazing mums, doing all these amazing things, like baking cakes, making chickens out of paper cups using only snot and lipstick, getting their kids to eat vegetables without an epic discussion or fight before every mouthful and I always stop and think… WOW! I should get them to do some stuff […]

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Actual Social Suicide.

I didn’t see it coming. I was trying to play it cool while carrying my tote bag, my handbag, Addison’s toys and a large red box in one hand, and the wriggling chocolate covered, sticky fingered juvenile himself in the other. ‘Can I just leave this here with you?’ I stoutly questioned the security guard […]

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Reviews, news and immaterial opinions...


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