Project Silver Linings.
On New Year ’s Eve as the clock struck 12, I pulled my fat arse out of bed, brushed the biscuit crumbs off my jammy top and hoofed it to the spare bedroom window.
As millions of people around the world kissed their loved ones, popped champagne corks, danced happily among friends and family, and no doubt squealed in delight, I sighed deeply and self-indulgently in to the silence, slowly resting my forehead on to the cool glass.
Fireworks were exploding from every direction and from this vantage point, at the top of a hill, in our terraced house, in the silence of the third bedroom, with the radiator pumping hot air up my nose, I had watched them all, with the kind of youthful glee a 4 year old might.
‘There is something quite sad about watching fireworks on your own.’
As the awe inducing brightly lit bulbs of promise and hope exploding in to the sky began to tail off, the annoying and most unwelcome voices in my head, began to wax lyrical.
‘Something quite pathetic about it really. Happy new year though.’
It pissed me off.
I am not on my own, I fought back. I am in the house with Addison sleeping soundly, the Irish one downstairs playing on his Christmas present and I am both warm and filled with sugar.
‘And bored shitless, wishing you were 20 and out getting slammed.’
Yeah but I am not 20, so if I had gone out I would have been bored after the usual 20 minutes, like I always am.
‘I suppose. Still on your own watching the fireworks though.’
I picked the dog up.
There. Not on my own. Watching fireworks with Doodle. Now piss off and leave me alone.
The back and forth went on for some time until thankfully the Irish one bombed up the stairs to give me a kiss and all accusations of me being alone at this time of night were firmly put to bed. So to speak.
It’s all about finding Silver Linings.
That is what I have decided.
That is where I have decided I have been going wrong.
From here on in I am going to endeavor to find the silver linings in every situation.
So as I start 2015 still on an expensive, barely affordable, concoction of medication, still as mad as a hatter and still hideously depressed, I am forcing myself to think well hey! At least I have tiny white pills that sometimes shut the voices up, at least I have money to buy gin and tonic, and at least some people don’t read my blog so still believe I am totally stable and interesting! Woohoo.
I shall let you know how it goes.