Enter Inspirational Quote Here.

New Year, New Start, that’s what I thought, accompanied by a deep sigh, as I heaved and huffed to pull my jeans over my swollen arse and thighs this morning.

I know it’s not a massively original thought for this time of year, but so what?

Maybe all these inspirational photos I keep seeing while wading through my Facebook timeline are bob on the money.

Maybe now is the time to try and shoehorn myself in to believing a new beginning is possible, a time to try and turn it all around.

 

tumblr_myna41G8Bq1sz4cdvo1_500

50 shades of flab, that’s a book I could write.

‘And as he tentatively reached in for the last chip, she plummeted her sticky hand in to the bowl’s empty depths and much to his disappointment, fingered the salt glistening on its fried shimmering skin, before slowly and smugly and yet with a desperate urgency she herself couldn’t understand, given she was already over satisfied, shoving in it in her gob and sighing with spent relief.’

Maybe now is as good a time as any, for an overhaul of absolutely everything, not only my recent greed.

With my stomach sucked in and my gut still intent of muffin topping, I stand in front of the mirror for a nano second too long, long enough to feel the contemptuous disgust I feel for myself tear through my good mood, before quickly pulling my jeans back off over my dimpled and shaky legs and reaching for my forgiving leggings.

‘Now is as good a time as any’ I say out loud to myself.

This year I am going to try harder than ever to keep my spirits high.

I will not beat myself up.

Everything is fixable.

Yes I am overweight, yes I spend too long staring at my phone instead of playing with my son, yes I beat myself up brutally,  meaning I barely get through a day without feeling miserable, but these are all things I can fix!

2015 will be better than 2014, it has to be.

2014 was too hard, I made it too hard on myself.

‘I will keep a diary’ is what I was thinking as I walked towards the bathroom.

‘I will read the Chimp Paradox’ Is what I was promising myself as I accidentally stood on Doodle’s tail.

And ‘Oh My God I am going to die!!!!!’ Is what I was thinking as having jumped backwards off his tail, found myself hurtling bottom first down the stairs at the speed of a Japanese Bullet train.

‘2015 will be different!’ I promised myself as I lay groaning and staring up at the living room ceiling, from my new vantage point at the foot of the stairs.

I will try harder to see the silver linings in everything I do.

‘And as her hair flew out around her, her wobbly and luscious love handles were thrust in to the tight and unforgiving space between the ground and the ceiling which such force, she trembled with dread and anticipation, and as she fell hard, scared at tumbling out of control in to the unknown, she thought….

‘Well at least my arse will cushion the blow.’

 

new year

 

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9 Comments on “Enter Inspirational Quote Here.

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  3. It’s when I end up seeing myself nekkid in the mirror in the bathroom (why did I think that was a good idea?) that I swear to god I wish I could just cut off the wedding-cake-on-top-of-the-muffin-top-top. UGH.
    But we are both so much better than that. We’d never speak to our friends or loved ones the way we speak to ourselves would we? *sigh*
    Anyway, one of my NY resolutions is to trust more. To try to trust myself and not get so anxious. To be free of the negative way I see myself (ha, shit, shouldn’t have thought that) and all that stuff.
    Trying to be woo woo in the UK isn’t easy – I swear it goes from stiff upper lip to “don’t be so daft” up here and neither are helpful!
    Anyway, uh, I hear ya, and um, lots of hugs? Hugs are awesome. They’re something I know I’m really good at. Them and BJs, but you can’t have one of them, so *big snuggly hugs that don’t let go* to you.
    Lets try to be kinder to ourselves this year eh? xx

    • Hahaha oh you do make me giggle. Thank you so much and yes lets be kinder. Im going to speak to my nasty self like i would a real person when im mean to myself. Why do you have to be so shallow lexy! Stop following me around calling me shit. We are awesome, and the sooner our heads cop on the better!!

  4. Ps my phone initially corrected hilarious to hideous which, while amusing, might have undermined my comment’s intent somewhat…

  5. I guess the thing you need to keep in mind as you battle with your jeans, dog, coordination or whatever is that we love you because you’re you. It’s easy to stand on the sidelines and say “be kinder to yourself” but seriously…you are an hilarious, talented writer, and all round awesome person. Be kinder to yourself, dammit.

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