“Drama Queen” (Me??!?)
‘You mean you aren’t just saying no?’
I pounce on him the minute I hear his keys jangling in the door.
His high collared coat is up around his neck protectively, his headphones still plugged in to his very red tipped ears. He detangles himself from his very ‘manly’ man bag (adjective added under duress) and plonks it on the sofa opposite me.
He fixes me with a look that says he isn’t impressed with my greeting and picks his son up off the floor, where he is busy playing with spoons, (Yeah, spoons – So glad we spent a fortune on toys) to give him a cuddle.
‘Hi babe!’ he responds to me sarcastically fashioning a stupid voice which evidently is supposed to be me, ‘Did you have a nice day? Yes thanks.’ he continues.
I just watch him silently wanting to smack him across the face and ask him why on god’s green earth, whenever he does an impression of me, he makes me sound like Joe Pascuale, all high pitched, and more worryingly, American.
He carries on answering himself regardless of my tense silence ‘what did you have for lunch today sweetheart? (Um… I don’t think I ever call him sweetheart?) Well Lexy I had…’
I stop this the only way I know how.
I pull my bare feet up on to the sofa underneath me so I am almost standing, but not quite, and jokingly begin to mark the catholic symbol of the cross across my shoulders and my head.
He stops talking and looks at me quizzically.
I just look back at him.
He raises an eyebrow.
So I pretend to pray.
‘What are you doing?’ he stammers, with Addison now trying to shimmy up his leg.
‘No idea, but it got you to shut up – So! Are you thinking about it? Are you Are you Are you Are you Are you?’
He shakes his head in resignation and falls on to the sofa beside me and kicks of his shoes, inadvertently sending Addison flying. (Not really.)
And… He says….
‘Irish one I need to know! I just need to know! If it is a no, which I am really hoping it isn’t, then it is a no… But if it is a yes then you will make all my dreams come true!! (I jump off the sofa at this point and do a spin, imagining myself as Rapunzel)… But if it is a no, (I get down on my knees by his feet for dramatic effect and lay my face on his thigh) then I will just have to accept it. (I sigh and do my best sad face)… Although I am not sure how you would ever live with yourself (I look worried for him) or even more why you would even want to destroy all my dreams? Why? (I stand up again and stomp my foot)
Why would you want to do that to me? I just need to knowwwwwww.’ I whine.
He has become my Simon Cowbell, the Villain who holds the key to my soul.
My entire future is resting solely on his answer. (I really don’t understand why people call me a drama queen?)
I am poised to jump in the air and attempt a Fame-esque star jump over the top of Addison’s mop top the moment the ‘yes’ I so DESPERATELY need, the ‘yes’ I can almost taste, leaves his mouth but… alas… it doesn’t.
‘Look,’ he sighs, and for a moment I am sure I can hear music kicking in and am almost certain he is about to burst in to song; (God I would have loved it if he did!)
‘I am just in from work, it is a Tuesday!
All this on a Tuesday?
Can I not just take my coat off,
Maybe rub my feet,
Enjoy some time with my son,
Maybe, just maybe,
Before you jump down my throat, and behave this way, about this topic once more?’
(You are imagining it as a Disney song aren’t you? SO AM I! It would be amazing!)
I breathe out a massive sigh.
He doesn’t understand.
I slouch out of the room in a semi-tantrum to wash up.
He follows me in some time later in his Simon Cowbell Pyjamas.
‘Tell me about it then.’
So I do. Every last detail. The cake and the dress and the weather and the special guests and the rides and the hotel and the prices and the look I imagine on Addison’s face when he meets Buzz Lightyear. The free bar, the Lie in’s, the money we will save…
(I play to my audience – what can I say?)
‘Ok.’ He says some time later when we are lying in bed and I am staring at the ceiling thinking about who else I could potentially marry there, if he says no.
‘I know how much Disney World means to you, I know how poignant that would be for you, I know you have had some terrible memories there, and this would be a chance to start again for you so no, I am not just saying no. I am saying lets do it!’
I turn to look at him and he looks excited.
I won’t lie.
I jumped up and down on the bed for about half an hour.
‘But Lexy?’ He interrupts 3 hours later, in the early hours of the morning when my best friend and I are still gushing down the phone over the finer details.
‘Yes?’ I answer happily lost in a world of stuff I have never really cared about before.
‘I draw the line at Cinderella’s coach. I am a meat and 2 veg man. I am not getting in Cinderella’s coach.’
I nod solemnly to him as I hear my best friend whisper down the line.
‘What if it just turned up on the day by ‘accident?’ it’s not like he could refuse then!’
I try to hide my smile as he walks out of the room…
‘And Lexy?’ He calls as I giggle down the receiver plotting.
‘Try and remember this wedding is about me and you yeah? You aren’t marrying Julie. And if it does turn up by accident (HOW DID HE KNOW?) all bets are off.’
I am getting married at Walt Disney World.
I need to work out a way of getting there without flying…. I need to overcome some demons… I need … oh god…
I’m going to be a wife. (Um… does that mean I have to peel his potatoes?)
How am I gonna get Cinderella’s coach?
…Of course I would respect his wishes…