Thank you to all!!! (Except Louise.)

Today is Tuesday.

I know this because yesterday while visiting a friend, exhausted and miserable after dropping Addison off at nursery, I plonked myself down on her sofa ready for a good heart to heart when unexpectedly, within seconds, my arse felt like it was on fire.

Evidently it turns out, I had unfortunately sat on a freshly cooked and piping hot pizza, that my friend had slaved over a hot oven for, and left on the sofa (who puts pizza on the sofa?!) for me to find, as a surprise lunch for us.

It certainly was a surprise but not the kind; I think she was hoping it would be.

I could act like a drama queen and tell you I suffered third degree burns as I was running around the room trying to relieve the pain by attempting to grab behind myself at an impossible angle to remove arse from fabric, but that would not be true.  As painful as it was ( let’s pause for a moment here, and give my arse the respect it truly deserves, after all it has already endured this decade) it is now recovering, and other than still being a bit hot and stingy, it looks like I will now survive.

I could also tell you that like in a cartoon there was a barrel of water in the corner of her living room which I ran towards and splashed myself in to, but that also, would be a lie. What I actually ended up having to do was much, much worse.

Over the screams of laughter coming from my other two ‘pals’ and her ‘lovely’ husband, the pain became too much. The cheese was sticking to my muffin top like shit to sellotape, and the flimsy (fake) denim material (bloody bran new summer jeans) was not cooling fast enough and felt like molten lava on my tenderest of areas, so in the end I just dropped my kecks (her husband graciously left the room, when he sensed what was about to happen) and twenty minutes later I was still standing in her living room in my knickers padding my angry bum with a sodden sponge, over a bowl. (Thinking back now, I have no idea why I didn’t just escape to the privacy of a bathroom, to soothe my under bits when this seems like such an obvious thing to do. But I just didnt. Nothing comes ‘obviously’ to me anymore.)

It was a while later, as we noticed her neighbours staring quizzically through the bay windows and sniggering, that the realisation hit; it probably would have been a good idea to shut the curtains.

Yesterday was Monday. Things like that can only happen on a Monday.

Today is Tuesday and I have not left the house other than to visit the Dr (for post natal depression related conversations, nothing to do with my flaming cheeks) and to drop and pick Addison up from nursery. I have, however had a much better day than yesterday.

I would like to  take this opportunity to thank everybody, every reader, (yes you!) Who voted for me In the Mummy and Daddy blogger awards and let you know, you have no idea how much this means to me.

So I will tell you.

It absolutely means the world, even to be a finalist. It is not the winning, as my dad used to say, it is the taking part! (Before adding that it really was the efffing winning!) This year has been a tremendous rollercoaster ride of both overwhelming and sensational emotions, but writing on here, and reading the lovely comments you leave, have really kept me going. Especially, in relation to my post natal depression, so thank you for reading, never judging, voting and putting up with my more miserable of posts.

Tomorrow is Wednesday and I am off for a ‘tweet up’ in a soft play centre with two of my lovely cyber friends and our gaggle of children. I am hideously anxious that I will fall off a cliff, accidentally maim somebody or wet myself in another terrifying sneezing accident, in front of these two wonderful people and their gorgeous children but what can I do? I will not let fear of embarrasment rule my life or I would never leave the house. (I wouldnt have to!)

My track record on managing not to make an arse (fnar, fnar!) of myself over the last fortnight has not been great, let’s face it. So I will take this moment to apologise in advance for any upset I may cause to these new-found friends.

A year ago, if somebody had told me that Twitter was a life line I would have told them to ‘get a life’ and if somebody had then told me to start a blog, I probably would have nodded and said ‘yah’ a lot, before walking away to look up the term ‘blog’ in my dictionary.

A year later, although I am a walking, talking, catastrophe, I can honestly say my friends, both on twitter and from real life, are amazing and some days I feel truly blessed. (I would never have said something like this a year ago!)

I’m about to get all cheesy (no reference to the pizza here please, it is not funny!) But somebody recently told me that ‘life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass, it’s about learning to dance in the rain’ and even though after ringing my friend this morning to apologise and hearing her husband singing Kings of Leon Sex is on fire but substituting sex for ‘Arse’ in the background, I really do think maybe it is time to stop being a victim and start learning to dance.

So here goes.

I am not a victim!

I sat on that pizza on purpose.


And Oh, Louise!! Please tell your husband that Joke is OLD!! And Oh, Louise!! Next time I visit, maybe you could think about using the 10 seater, sturdy and safe dining room table you seem to have lying around, to put lunch on, eh?  And Oh, Louise!! Tell your neighbours I am truly sorry.  No one deserves to see my baggy knickers at 1pm on a Monday afternoon.


To see the other amazing blogs and finalists in this years MAD awards and to cast your vote for a winner, click here


I have voted for some brilliant blogs and I am honoured to be among them.

Thank you everybody.


12 Comments on “Thank you to all!!! (Except Louise.)

  1. See now if you had paid attention to your aunt, you would have worn your nice underwear in case of an accident Lexy.
    Another great post, and this is why you are a finalist and should bloody win!!!
    Hope your tushy has cooled down now. X

  2. Hey Mammy – great post. One thing I have learned, through divorce and discovering both my kids have life long additional needs, and having a miserable and dysfunctional childhood and blah blah blah is that you can be unhappy about that for as long as you want, but in the end you are alive RIGHT NOW. And NOW is where you need to live. If you miss those small moments of joy, those things that raise a small smile each day, because you are waiting for it to get better, then you will spend your life waiting. Take responsibility for your own feelings. Be in the here and now, just like a child is. Be happy when you can, and take the rest for what it is. It is time to learn to dance or to remain a spectator. And though I trip over my own feet all the time, although my moves are more than a bit dodgy, dancing is still fun. Good luck.

  3. I have lots of heartfelt things I want to write but I am mid nightfeed and my eyes are sewn together by tiredness and conjunctivitis! All I have to say is, I love you! Goodnight x

  4. To our gorgeous, funny and talented mammywoo! Just wanted to let you know how bloody damn proud of you I am! I could (and sometimes do -dont tell the uni!) sit and read your blogs all day! Your amazing honey,don’t ever doubt it. Love Nic (somers) xxx

  5. While it is clearly wrong to laugh at the misfortunes of others, your hot pizza/butt story is hilarious and if nothing else has given you a great story for your blog ha ha!! hope your flamin’ cheeks are on the mend and well done again for being shortlisted, see… every cloud! x

  6. First of all, if you don’t come tomorrow I WILL hunt you down!!!! Lil man and lil miss are very excited about seeing addy, lil man even remembered we were coming to see you even tho I told him a week ago!
    Thank you for continuing to write and sharing your experiences (even the nasty burnt ass type ones) with us. You thoroughly deserve being shortlisted for the MAD awards, you have the ability to make us wet ourselves laughing one second and break our hearts sobbing the next and that is the mark of an extremely talented writer.
    If it rains tomorrow, we shall go out and dance together lovely xxx

  7. Another fantastic piece. I love reading your blogs. Keep up the hard work and good luck 🙂 you deserve it x x x

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