The Crazy test. (Therapy for dummies)
Today I go back to therapy. (Turns out the poo, was burnt in my nostrils!)
Today is the day we begin to work through some of my issues.
Which I think is a shame really.
Because, if we work through some of my issues, will I lose my crazy?
Because, sometimes I kind of like my crazy.
It gives me an edge.
People see the glint in my eye, mistake the tiredness for mental-ness, and I get a quiet life!
And if I recommend that everybody tries therapy, does that mean everybody will lose their crazy too?
Because sometimes I kind of like everybody else’s crazy more than I like my own!
Anyway, I was sitting thinking about my upcoming therapy session last night.
I was sitting thinking about how frightened I was about her (the counceller, let’s call her DR. Dig wig, from now on.(Because she never stops digging and her hair is fabulous!) having the ability to drag things out of my subconscious that I didn’t even know were there.
I was sitting thinking about how scary it is losing control, and what if she unlocks my soul and I inadvertently end up blurting something out I don’t even mean, just to keep her quiet, to make her stop!
I can picture it now! It’ll be like Good Will hunting. (The scene where he digs, you know the one!!)
(I am Matt in this image, not the one with the beard. I don’t even have a beard. Unless you count the fake comedy one I like to wear round the supermarket… )
‘Ergo, ergo, It’s not your fault Lexy, no I mean it’s not your fault Lexy, no it’s really not your fault Lexy’
And then ill panic and say;
‘I see dead people!
Or something equally as untrue, totally by accident, just to get her to shut up.
This will undoubtedly tip the scales and send her overboard! (In a metaphorical sense, not in an 80’s Goldie Hawn fabulous sense– the hair, the hair- I want the hair! Oo and the revolving shoe rack!! And the boat!! And the figure! And the outfits! (But not the man. Never the man.) – I am a bit gutted I didn’t win 90 million last night, can you tell?)
(Anyway, back to the crazy…)
Which got me thinking about my friends, and how much i love them for their crazy.
Which led me on to thinking about women in general, are we all nuts? (I can hear Carrie Bradshaw again!)
So me, and the voices in my head came up with a test. (Eat your heart out Dr. Dig wig!)
Are you ready?
If you have ever said, any of the following you are;
A) Most likely female.
And B) Definitely nuts.
THE MAMMYWOO CRAZY TEST!
Tick the ones which ring true.
I am a size 12,
but if I’m wearing jeans, I’m a size 16.
I really want to go out,
but I’ve decided to stay in.
I bought a lovely outfit, it looked great in the shop,
but now i am home, i look fat in it.
I wanted the red dress,
but i preferred the blue.
I could eat a horse, i am so hungry
but, actually I will just have the salad as im a bit full.
I don’t mind at all,
but actually i am furious.
She is such a lovely girl,
but oh my god what a bitch!
I lost 8 pounds, i am so proud.
but i feel fatter than ever.
I don’t want chips,
but I’ll just pinch a few of yours.
I’d love to tell my best friend in the whole world, my secret,
but i think she hates me!
We need to be on time! Exactly on time,
but let’s leave now, so we can be early.
I fancy something sweet,
but, I’ll have the cheeseboard.
I want my hair cut,
but im desperate to grow it.
I couldn’t possibly have another,
but go on then I will.
The pink looks amazing on you!
but i prefer the green.
I’m desperate for an early night,
but i don’t want to go to bed.
Everyone thinks the same!
But maybe it’s just me.
I hate kylie,
but i love this song.
I spent all day cleaning,
but sorry about the mess.
The size 6 shoes would fit perfectly, but my feet look huge,
So i’ll get the size 5’s instead.
I am a definite Virgo,
but i always read Libra, its more me!
He’s not looking at you,
He blatantly fancies you!
I could go on but i am sure you have checked one by now right?
So we are all definitely a bit crazy right?
But it makes sense to me.
Maybe it’s just a woman thing, is it?
And I love women
Women are great!
That’s what I will tell her when I see her today!!
I will tell her that I don’t need to work through my issues, because I love women, I love crazy women and women are great.
Not big admissions from me today. No sireee…..
And one last question!
What do you see?
(I would get the mop out personally, but if I look hard enough…)
I can see a Grande, extra shot, extra hot, caramel cappuccino with whipped cream and chocolate flakes!
But make it skinny!