Very, very frightening me! Galileo Galileo!

Do you know what really winds me up?

Thunder stealer’s.

For instance, when you finally pass your driving test (this time you didn’t run over a granny! Woop!) and you excitedly pick up the phone and reveal to one person the great news, and the next thing you know all your friends are texting offering words of congratulations without you even having spoken to them. (True story.) Yes, thank you for spreading my news, but i do have vocal chords of my own you know!

Or, for instance, when you find out (after a mere 34 tests) you are pregnant and your dizzy blonde mate, who you have to forgive, because she is your dizzy blonde mate, asks your mum, if she is looking forward to being a grandma? Before you have told your mum. (True story. Was months before mother spoke to me again.)

Or, for instance, when you push a 7 pound baby through a hole made for delicate manoeuvring only! Endure 65 hours of labour, followed by 24 hours without a wee, followed by an attack of the heebie jeebies and when you finally get 2 minutes to spare and log on to facebook, to tell the world of your amazing news, hand poised over your status bar, trembling with excitement, you notice with fury, some fucker has already spread the word for you. Name, weight, time of arrival. Everything.

It really wound me up. More so than the Russian doctor, who kept referring to me as ‘mummy.’ (I am not your mummy! Stop calling me mummy! I know I am Addison’s mummy but I have a name! You referring to me as mummy, while I lie here with my legs spread while you examine me, is freaking me out. It’s like a terrible porn film! My name is Lexy! For the love of god! As if this wasn’t awkward enough!)

I acknowledge, that because of the thunder stealer, my page was littered with over 100 messages of support and love and congratulations, all professing how wonderful my newborn must be and how they couldn’t wait to see photos and how it couldn’t have happened to a nicer couple, but do you understand my annoyance?

The messages of support were lovely to read but it twas ME who wanted to update my facebook status with the good news! I had planned this status update meticulously and daydreamed of the reaction for months. This was the biggest update of my facebook career for god sake!  

I had planned to write;

The baby has arrived! Rock on! Pizzaface Doyle Ellis was born after 100 years of labour, at 8.40pm, weighing in at a whopping 4 and a half stone (so you see? I didn’t put ANY weight on at all really) The baby is gorgeous!

And then feed bits of information in dribs and drabs. Adding in sex and eye colour and real name a little later, after people have gasped ‘Pizzaface? That’s different!’ And rumours had spread far and wide of my name choice and discussions were firmly in place amongst everybody, as to whether Pizzaface, was a girl or a boy.

You know, I wanted to really milk it.

But what good would that be now?

I’d be like a Dognapper asking for ransom after returning the puppy. (Just so you know I would never steal a puppy.)

So thanks thunder stealer.

Thanks to you my first post birth status read;

My arse hurts.

What? Surely that was news too?

And surprisingly a fair amount of people liked it.

Steal that thunder.



9 Comments on “Very, very frightening me! Galileo Galileo!

  1. I have yelled at both my mom and my Granny for doing this. Since I am here in England they think it is their right, no, their duty to spread all my news for me. Dammit, I do have a phone and a computer!!

  2. That is awful I can’t believe someone would do that. It should have been you and only you. Maybe your partner at a push but come on you did all the hard work. Hugs x

  3. I can’t believe they did that! As punishment I think thunder stealers should have their ass hurt forever….or at least until karma comes along and they have someone steal their thunder. BTW, one of the best fb status updates I’ve heard. 🙂

  4. My mother in law likes to tell people our news before I have. We had to specifically ask her to refrain from mentioning us on Facebook for ages. I feel your pain!

  5. OMG, I totally get where you’re coming from, wait until you hear this:

    14+ months ago I gave birth to Pierce via c-section so my husband’s mother, father and sisters got to hold him before I did. My older sister-in-law took a picture of Pierce and posted it on Facebook for everyone to see. She even tagged both of us in the picture so that all of our friends could see it! Still haven’t gotten over that one!

  6. OMG how much do I HATE being called MUMMY. I am mother to two boys, not a host of menopausal school teachers and a jannie/footie coach.

    Sincere sympathy re: the baby news being spread for you. Sucks.

  7. There is nothing like a good butt-_hurts status update to get a bunch of Likes. I’m with you there.

    Poor you. I also would have been very_ upset if someone broke the news on Facebook before I could have. Of course, I wasn’t on Facebook yet when Aura was born, because I’m a late bloomer. BUT STILL. I got to send out a perky little e-mail the night we came home from the hospital. No one even replied with “Wow! ‘Aura’? That sure if one weird hippie name!”

    People are so nice to new mothers.

  8. Hilarious! I so completely understand everything you’ve said! I actually was able to break the news of The Boy’s birth two hours afterwards (I was high on the epidural still) via text message. I had already drafted a message, added recipients & saved the draft. I’d even gone so far as to have two messages saved, one for people who I liked enough to spend the money on a picture message, & one for everyone else. No-one stole my thunder that way!

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