I AM (post partum) WOMAN! HEAR ME ROAR!

I am a mother on Maternity leave.

Therefore by default, the Trafford Center belongs entirely to me. (And Woo!)

I am also a creature of Habit, (as if you didnt know this) and for the last 8 months I have visited the Trafford Center coffee house, each morning, between 11-12 for a Grande, skinny (because you have got to make an effort with weight loss.) Vanilla shot (because you have skinny so you can have a shot!) cappuccino (because it sounds sophisticated.) and a chill out with my little monster.

It is wonderful, and relaxing and calm. It is a weekday. The big children are in school. Most people are at work. It is peaceful. People Amble! How lovely! We sit like ladies and babies of leisure, me sipping on my Mocha. (Oops I mean skinny cappuccino!!) and Addison chomping on a slice of pear while making poo noises. (He makes poo noises while he eats, I don’t know why. He just does. Hopefully this will rectify itself before his first date…)

We sit together and watch the passing fashion, (ooo great bag! Ooo great shoes! Ooo you shouldn’t be wearing that top love (…she says stuffed in to her post partum girdle like a sausage in cellophane.) Or in Addison’s case (as he watches the baby fashion!) ooo Nice wheels, Ooo nice (foot) muff, ooo your mum looks nice and slim (…sideways glance at my gut! I see you child!) and it is wonderful. It is at times like this, I wish maternity leave could last forever.

So I have to ask, Christmas shoppers! Just who the heck do you think you are?

There are no seats, the high chairs are splattered with gloop, there are long queues, MY parking space is taken, there are teenagers sat on MY sofa, (…which makes me wonder about ‘FRIENDS’ and how odd they always got the sofa… I shall have to look in to it!) and worst of all? Addison is no longer the center of attention! He has competition! When he gurgles at people now, they choose to ignore him! He is baffled by this, and I am outraged!

There is no ambling anymore! People are stressed. People hussle! People tut and sigh and roll their eyes when faced with my pram. A (now worse for wear) woman literally walked directly in to Addison’s high chair as if he didn’t exist!! She knocked him flying! She didn’t even apologise! (Mummy? Why did you kick that woman in the face? Because i am post partum woman darling, and anybody who hurts you or does not smile indulgently when faced with your gorgeous big blue eyed smile gets a beating…. Not really, but in my mind I gave her a Jackie Chan ass whooping. Ninja styleeee… I mean, i dont want to labour the point here but just who the hell do you think you are? He is 7 months old! You are at least 28! Grow some manners!! and pass me a mince pie….. )

The Christmas approach is truly awful! And don’t even get me started on half term!

We are not going back anytime soon.

Which means, if you know me? Expect something off eBay.

And as for you Christmas shoppers?

 The Trafford center belongs to me! Have some decorum! (And pass me another hot chocolate! ….oops I mean….. Oh sod it! Ill have some whipped cream too…)


This was first published as a guest post on www.westoncommunications.org.uk


3 Comments on “I AM (post partum) WOMAN! HEAR ME ROAR!

  1. Oh I fully agree lovely – The Trafford Centre was mine too! Christmas rude shoppers interrupting coffee and baby and general lady leisure time is just unacceptable! 😉

Ah go on go on go on - reply?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s


Reviews, news and immaterial opinions...


Tales of Travel

Mr Oliver.

Gaming, Music & Movies


parenting anxiety panic love laughter

Madre se aprende

Porque nadie nació sabiendo

A Box of Fluffies

The fluffy and not so fluffy of mummyhood: Memoirs and musings

Victorian Mini

Adventures in Modeling

feeding my intolerant child

Overcoming the challenges of food intolerance

The Tipsy Runner

One step at a time.......

Mum Muddling Through

Mum with more questions than answers


The ravings of a Gay man with a personality disorder and HIV. I'm a catch!

This is me. Fibro. Chronic Fatigue. Depression. The lot.

Life, family, Fibro, Depression, work.

Not Another Mum and baby group

A place for mums to get together for support and socialising


Me & Me Girl (MG) on a mission to change the world, one bit at a time...

Days in Bed

Enjoying Life With Chronic Illness


where three roads meet, there she is standing

Dad Without A Map

Unwrapping parenthood one nappy at a time

Weight Watchers Vegetarian

Vegetarian and vegan recipes and ideas for following Weight Watchers UK

Sarsm's Blog

Quest for humour in my existence

Theplumbum's Blog

Stuff and me


keep going

A Cornish Mum

Cornwall, Lifestyle, Parenting, Type 1 Diabetes Blog

Dear Mummy Blog

The travellings of Bella and her folks!

Psych Circus

Enjoy, Learn, and Erase Stigma!

Bipolarparent's Blog

Bipolar, Parenting, social services involvement but mostly me

Right from the Start

Play, Early Education and more...

HonieMummy Blog

The ramblings & goings on of the HonieHouse, HonieKitchen & HonieLikes

Tales from inside

Our family life


Oscar Relentos


A digital space feat. poetry, art, nonfiction, interviews, and reviews by marginalized creators.


Ey Ey Ey Calm Down!!!

Long Distance Daughter

Support on the journey of caring for aging parents


a day in the life of my sketchbook...

A Mum on a Mission


Mother's Always Right

Life as a mum, uncut

Nothing But Words & Wine

Often Wine Sodden, always Emotional musings of a single Mummy sinking under the housework.

Mum on the brink

Parenting, travel and technology... and more

Living otherwise

another view on how we make it up

A Write Relief... (for PND)

A thirty-something mum's journey through postnatal depression... and beyond!


Just another WordPress.com weblog

MuddlePuddle Home Education

Resource site for home educators in the UK

%d bloggers like this: