Inspired much?

Miss Ellis.
Motivated
, focused and looking for inspiration!

At least, this is what it reads at the top of my Cv. So it must be true! Because clearly nobody ever lies on their Cv do they? I have also been 27 for the last 4 years, am an award winning tap-dancer, and in 1984 I swam the channel while wearing a teeny weenie yellow poker dot bikini. Which interestingly, I had worn for the first time that day.

But i am looking for inspiration. That bit is true. And i am a lover of all inspirational quotes! I love the fact, one sentance can set you on course for a good day. (I am also easily pleased.) I will even admit to enjoying the 1999 classic anthem about ensuring you wear sunscreen. You know the one. Remember the compliments, forget the insults… you are not as fat as you think you arelook after your knees you will miss them when they are gone. He was right too! I do miss my knees. I curse this one anytime I bend over. (Said the actress to the bishop. Sorry. Couldn’t resist. Maybe I should add smutty to my Cv too.)

You are never too old to dream! Choose a job you love and you will never work a day! Faith is taking a step even when you cant see the staircase! Do not protect yourself with a fence but with your friendships! If the wind will not strike, take to the oars! You can not plough a field by turning it over in your mind! Fortune favours the brave! Nobody can make you feel inadequate unless you let them. Change the empty toilet role useless man-type, or be banished from this house forever!

Ok that last one isn’t very inspirational. But it should be. I know most women will agree. (Why are they so incapable of doing this??? The bin is right there! Why is it so hard? No woman should ever have to be made to do the ‘shake and vac’ (to put the freshness back) in her own home! It’s an insult. Im not arsed, leave the seat up, ill spot that! But I won’t realise there is no loo roll until it’s too late. Just change the roll or leave my home ok? I think that’s fair.)

However! As of last night, there is now one type of inspirational quote I will avoid at all costs.

Face the fear and do it anyway.’

Now clearly. Whoever came up with this little gem, never drove from Carlisle to Manchester at 7pm on any given Friday night in the most tremendous, torrential and purely evil rain storm. Clearly they have never had to cuddle the steering wheel to stop the wind driving them off the road while concentrating on a fading white line, while driving blind as eighteen wheeler trucks chug, wheeze and creep past, spraying them with gale force sheets of pure water. They have never spent 3 hours with an overtired baby screaming them deaf, while trying to navigate through four lanes of traffic in the middle of a tornado! (Oh the drama!)

‘Do something everyday that scares you’

Clearly the person that wrote this. Has never spent anytime AT all on the M6 at night. (Seriously? We live in an age where we can watch 3Dtv in our own living rooms but we cant afford floodlights on the motorway? What the feck? How’s about we stop paying for banker wanker bonuses and start paying for safe roads for the nations mum’s to drive on! Huh? Huh? Huh? Its hardly rocket science…aaaand dismount…. And don’t even get me started on the badgers!…..aaaand dismount again. (I borrowed the horse from the last post. Its high. Just in case you didnt get that…. i’ll shut up now.)

I am facing my fears and I am doing it anyway. I am facing my fears and I am doing it anyway. Im facing my fears and I am doing it anyway. I am facing my fears and I aaaaammmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm (Lorry) doiiiinnngggg it anyway. I am facing my fears and I am doiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing (white van) ittttttttttttttttttttttttt anyway, I am facing my feeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaarssssssssssssssss (18 wheeler) annnnnnnndddddddd for the holy love of gooooooooddddddddd I canttttttttt seeee shiiiiiiiitttttttttt, I am doinnnnggggggg it annnywayyyyy…

Do something everyday that scares you’ sounds great in theory. But there is no way that the person who came up with it, thought it through properly. I mean yeah, it sounds great. I am sure it can sound very motivating. (If your fear is say, orange juice. Or getting out of bed. Or play-doh!) But the reality would be a frigging nightmare!

I’m sorry I couldn’t come and see you today honey, I was looking for a cliff to dive off. I will be doing the same tomorrow, Wednesday and Thursday. Yes I know I’m scared of heights love, but I went on google and I was inspired. I know I’m shaking like a shitting dog love, but its ok, Because I am inspired. On Friday I shall be spending the majority of the day researching base jumping love, but I shall make sure I kiss a poisonous spider, just to ensure I follow the rules correctly you see, it’s inspiring.’

‘What scares you Alan?’
‘Big hairy dogs Frank’,
‘Go find one Alan, and anger it, it’s inspiring! ‘

I apologise for keeping you waiting sir. I was busy facing my fear and having my fingers ripped off by a rabid Dalmatian, now if you just lie back I will have a look at those molars…’

Do something every day that scares me?
Piss right off.

Miss Ellis.
Motivated, honest and enjoys a cup of tea and a chocolate biscuit.   Inspired enough!
Thanks.

 

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7 Comments on “Inspired much?

  1. Nightmare car journeys, can totally relate to that! Last Christmas got stuck in the snow, trying to get home from visiting a friend in Reading for eight hours, with daughter who was then six months old….still feel anxious when I see snow even now!!

  2. I feel so so guilty that I am responsible for your fear….but then again, it ‘inspired’ you to write the blog. See, “Posstive Mental Attitude”. You can have that one for free (courtesy of my Mum, or PMA as she says)

  3. Aww.
    I got stuck on the M62 in the ice last Xmas and cried for hours. Lorries gliding past me, shimmying over 2/3 lanes as they went.
    I sold the Rear wheel drive & bought a 4×4 the very next day!!
    I cannot/ will not drive in ice or snow now!! X

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