Dance your cares away (clap clap)…

 
We’re going on a trip, on a little rocket ship, flying through the sky, LITTLE EINSTIEN’S!’

Bang!

That noise you just heard wasn’t a firework. It was me shooting an imaginary bullet directly in to the Sky HD box. At close range.

(No Mr. Sky HD technical man. It just stopped working, I have no idea why! What’s that? I need to reboot? You’ll be here between 8-1 on Tuesday to check the scarf/start/scarb lead? Shall I hold my breath from 8am onwards? No? Because you might not make it? Oh right. Will you let me know if you cant make it? You won’t. Ok then. Thanks. I look forward to sitting in all morning in the vague hope you may turn up and fix this gaping hole where Playhouse Disney used to live.)

Three special steps that’s all you need, three special steps, all you need to succeed… ’

 Bang!

 Once again, not a firework.

I’m not being funny, but seriously! When did children’s theme tunes become so annoying you would seriously consider chewing your own ears off, in a vain attempt to escape the sheer banality?

In my day theme tunes were funky, funny and friendly. Nowadays its seems the only pre-requisite of a theme tune is it needs to be catchy (and annoying as hell). I can picture the marketing managers at Disney sitting around a big table, (all telling each other to ‘have a nice day’) deciding on theme tunes for the next up and coming cartoon.

Well we like this calm one here, its intelligent and quiet, in fact you can barely hear it at all’ – Says marketing manager one while jumping up and down wearing a Tigger costume. (I also find Tigger a mild irritant. Stop jumping up and down, for the love of god!!)

Well in that case let’s go for the one that will annoy the shit out of every mother in the western hemisphere. The one she will sing to herself while walking round the supermarket, doing the dishes and having a well-earned bath. The one that she will wake up singing! The one that means she will never escape!!’ – Says marketing manager 2 while caressing his pitch fork. (As in, he is the devil. I am not using ‘pitchfork’ as some dodgy euphemism here.)

Now Fraggle rock! That was a theme tune! That was a theme tune that was both funky and friendly. (And ok yes, a little annoying but compare it, to, hmm I don’t know… ‘Claude Claude he’s a little white bear….’ for instance, and you know I’m right. I mean seriously! Who comes up with this crap? Give us some lyrics to play with!!!)

Fraggle rock was so clever and so cool a theme tune they even made a grown up version. When I say them, I mean some total randomer who clearly had too much time on his hands. (Total randomer is definitely male, because the females were all too busy reading ‘forever’ by Judy Blume behind the bike sheds… ), and when I say grown up version I mean it had a rude word in it. Do you remember the grown up version?

Whenever I think of fraggle rock now, my mind automatically thinks about grabbing a fraggle by the cock. (Or the pitchfork.)

I remember the naughty lyrics perfectly, but have no idea what the real ones……Oh! Ok! I get it now.

Maybe there is a reason they keep them simple.

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4 Comments on “Dance your cares away (clap clap)…

  1. I’ll have to respectfully disagree here. I love Little Einsteins. Not so much on Special Agent Oso. But because you’ve gotten some of the lyrics wrong, I question whether you have truly watched them enough to appreciate them.

    Now Wonder Pets, on the other hand, would drive the toughest man completely insane…

    Stopping over cuz lydsquidmom told me to.

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