Sometimes.

 
Sometimes I feel I cant breathe,
Like I’ve no energy left for this fight!
There is all this routine and this pressure
For a mother to get everything right.

We could throw all the dishes at the wall,
And leave the frigging house in a tip!
We are all so frightened of failing,
We could all disappear on a trip. 

Sometimes we feel like dancing,
And wish we could just be free,
Sometimes we feel like escaping,
And having some time just for me!

I am told I am a good mother,
But really I know I am not.
How can I succeed on autopilot?
Walking around like a frumpy robot.

Sometimes we look in the mirror,
And all we can see is the lard!
We were expecting motherhood to be difficult,
But who knew it would be this hard?

Sometimes we are walking through fog,
We don’t always want to be boss!
I just need someone to cuddle me.
I am feeling so isolated and lost.’  

Sometimes I feel like screaming,
I want to spend a day in the sun!
Do you even know who I am anymore?
I used to be so much fun!

Sometimes we lie there and wonder,
If things could be different somehow?
If we were alone, single and rested,
Would we feel a bit better right now?

We know deep down in our hearts,
We are never really alone,
There are plenty of mummy’s just like us,
Just at the end of the phone.

My baby and my friends keep me going,
When everything feels a bit rough.
With them I don’t need to keep smiling,
To hide the more worrying stuff.

We do miss the freedom and independence,
We are guilty of having this thought,
But we wouldn’t change a thing to be honest,
Because these moments with you cant be bought. 

Sometimes I feel like running.
But my heart lives here with you.
Sometimes I feel like escaping,
But Mammy couldn’t live without Woo.

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15 Comments on “Sometimes.

  1. I love you Lexy! What everyone has said is so right on this one. Your very brave but not at all in a way that you should consider taking the post down it’s just that not many women are strong enough to even admit to these feelings and only you could put them across to eliquently. I know for sure that what you have written will have comforted many many mothers, alot of it resonates with me and reminds me of how so much more difficut those early months are. You ARE a fantastic mum, the enormity of becoming a parent is all encompasing and so overwhelming it’s often difficult to see the wood for the trees. You have nothing to feel guilty about. I can’t speak for all of motherhood, but I know I have felt exactly as you are right now so if your guilty then I guess we all are!

  2. Ooh you made me cry again! Not sad tears though. Tears because I’m not the only one, tears because someone else understands and tears because we’re not alone in this big adventure. I hope you know that your ability to express yourself so well, even at this topsy turvey time, is helping other people to heal. And I hope it is supporting you too. Xx

  3. I’m sure every Mum feels like this at some point & if they don’t then they are lieing!
    I think being a Mum is the best job in the world, it is just the job’s of cleaner, cook & pa to other family members that suck.
    With the Muumy job you get paid in smiles and cooing and that feeling inside when they tell you “I love you Mummy” with the others the pay isn’t so great – “where are my jeans?”, “I don’t like fish pie”, “can you book me a haircut”
    Try & remeber the little smiles – that’s what got me through the last 11 years.
    xx

  4. Excellent post and excellent poem. I’m thinking about showing it to my friends who are expecting their first as I couldn’t say it better myself.

  5. This should be titled ‘The Mothers’ Anthem’!!!!! If there’s a single Mum out there who can’t totally relate to every line, then they must be robots!! I get so annoyed at the pressure I put on myself to be perfect (yet I still do it…). We’re always our own worst critics, aren’t we? xx

  6. You know what’s remarkable? That despite suffering with PND, you’re not only articulating your thoughts, you’re doing it via the medium of poetry!

    I bet every mother that reads this will recognise a bit of her experience. Being so responsible for another person is a hell of a lot of pressure. Hang on in there, the rewards just keep getting better!

  7. Definitely don’t take it down! This is EXACTLY how I’m feeling right now. I’m exhausted and feeling the strain of being mummy to two beautiful children.

    • Thank you for all the encouraging comments. i felt very vunerable putting this up and had my finger hovering over ‘move to trash’ but thank you for reading and thank you. i shall leave it up for now. Maybe we should all just go out dancing? x

  8. Hi…
    That is truly beautiful & inspirational!!
    Please dont take it down…. I’ve been there too!! just by reading I know in my heart you are a excellent Mum.. honestly :o))
    You are admitting to what sooooo many of us won’t or dare not say a taboo subject amongst us Mums…. I dont think anyone could have put it into words better… Well Done You
    Much Love & ))BigHugs((
    Julie aka SecondRowNo4 on Twitter
    xxxx

  9. I don’t want to trivialise this, because it is not a triviality.
    You and thousands of people go through this every day. But your last few lines are what really matter. You will do fine. And things will get easier x x x

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