What goeth around must cometh around…

‘What goes around comes around’ is a saying most are familiar with right?

‘He’s left you?’ ooo what goes around comes around.
‘She stole your last kit-kat?’ ooo what goes around comes around.
‘He is sleeping with your best mate?’ ooo what goes around comes around.
‘He made you cry?’ ooo what goes around comes around.
‘BT never turned up, all day?’ ooo what goes around comes around.
‘The milkman is shagging Doris?’ ooo what goes around comes around.
‘The window cleaner saw you in the buff ?’ ooo what goes around comes around.

 It’s a phrase that can lift you up or strike you down. It’s certainly a phrase I have mumbled to myself and uttered to others on occasion. Usually when one of my friends is hurting, or when someone stole my last chocolate biscuit. (Pointed look at my other half sitting innocently on the couch.) But it’s also a phrase I think about quite often.

 Im not a religious person, I am not an atheist. I don’t know much about Buddhism or Scientology or even Kabballah or Catholicism. (Although I do like those little red stringy bracelets!) I could be a religious person, I suppose, if I studied enough, and learnt enough and believed enough in one subject to have an opinion. To be swayed in to understanding, But the truth is, I don’t know much about any religion and for that reason, I am not sure what I believe.

 (DISCLAIMER- I am not trying to start an argument or discussion here, and I apologise if the above paragraph upsets anyone, this is just where I am right now. One day I may look in to religion a little deeper and believe whole heartedly in one particular faith. And for those that do believe, I respect your beliefs and your opinions wholeheartedly. I hope one day I get time to study and research and am lucky enough to experience the feeling of warmth  and protection i have heard, you can feel.)

 I do believe in fashion. (Although I’m not very good at it.) I do believe that chocolate can be a healer (I am very good at healing myself) and I do believe in the almighty power of the universe. (Bam Bam BAMMM! If I could, I would have that last sentence scroll on screen, like the introduction at the start of the star wars films!) I am also a very firm believer that without Starbucks, I would be half the woman I am today. (I wouldn’t have made it out of the house for one thing, as id never have had the motivation and their bloody muffins are to die for!) I’m just not sure about religion yet.

 But for now, as well as believing in ghosts, (thought id slip that one in!) I believe there is good in the world. I believe there is evil in the world and I believe in the above statement.  What goes around comes around. Because it’s like with anything, there has to be some give, to run along the side of take, right? You have to put something in, to get something back? You should treat people the way you would like to be treated? (Which includes respecting peoples last bloody chocolate biscuits!! Sorry.. And breathe..)

 I ask the universe for a lot on a day to day basis. I do so without even realising. On a typical day I could probably ask for 100 different things to go my way, without even knowing I am actually asking. I won’t list a hundred, (thankfully, I hear you whisper!) but as an example, this morning alone (it is only 11am) I have already sent out;

Please let the baby have a decent nap.
Please let me look thinner today.
Please let my car have enough petrol to make it to the shops.
Please let the dog NOT piss on the carpet in rebellion while we are out.
Please let my bank account have magically doubled in funds overnight.
Please let the baby’s teeth give him a break today.
Please let them have that coat in my size.
Please let this ache in the pit of my heart go away. (Slipped that one in too!)Please let next year’s harvest be full and fruitful…

 Ok that last one is a lie. But you know what I mean right? And you may read that and think shallow bitch and actually, looking at that, you’d probably be right. But it’s the day to day you know? I’m not after world peace here! Im just after a bit of an easy morning!

 So what comes around goes around… Some days everything goes your way. Your theme tune (because don’t we all secretly want a bit of slow motion and a theme tune every now and again? Don’t tell me you’ve never pointed the hairdryer at your face and pouted while imagining yourself in a music video. We have all done it.) would be something jumpy and upbeat. (Mine is usually Chumbawumba, you know the one.) Nothing can go wrong. You find a tenner on the floor, you feel thinner, you feel lighter, and you are invincible! (Can you feel the however approaching? There is always a however… are you ready for it? Here it is…)

 HOWEVER!  Then you have those days that balance out the universe. The days when our old acquaintance ‘Mr. Sod and his bucket of many mishaps’ arrives at the door, big evil smile on his face, and your name tattooed on his forehead. You put your smug smile away, you knew he would be visiting at some point, and trudge back to whatever meaningless task you were fulfilling with him in tow, waiting for the shit to hit the fan. It’s on days like this my theme tune changes to Benny Hill, and the slow motion speeds in to overdrive and the hairdryer blows up in my face.

 It’s on days like this you apply your eyeliner, just as the window cleaner decides to bang his sponge on the bathroom window. Your hand veers off in shock and you are left with a Harry potter lightning bolt on your forehead. You go to wipe it off but the baby starts crying, or the doorbell rings, or the dog chooses that moment to pee up your leg and before you know it, you forgot all about it and it’s the end of the day. You look in the mirror and notice, with a sigh, you have spent all day walking around like Adam Ant’s ugly sister. Or you wake up and the house is a bomb site, you rush around, juggling morning tasks, breakfast, baby, getting dressed, washing up, feeding doggy and cleaning, all the while wiping here, and dusting there and tidying here and hiding mess there. It takes you a good couple of hours before the house (or the living room at the very least) is finally spotless. The baby is finally asleep, and you’ve put a nappy on the dog (joke!) You deserve a rest, a break, 10 minutes of peace! You make yourself a brew and sit your aching back down heavily, on the couch, proud of all you’ve achieved, a slight sweat on your forhead. You turn on the telly and pick up your drink, but somehow, in the commotion of reaching for the remote and your brew at the same time, you knock your mug of well deserved, hot wake-up juice all over yourself and the floor. You stomp in to the kitchen to get a sponge, as Mr. Sod stands there smirking at the mocha coloured stain, seeping its way in to the fibres of your brand new cream carpet. And as if things couldn’t get any worse, legs on flipping fire, you stomp back in to the living room just in time for the dog to trundle over and have a peep and a sniff, and you now have little brown doggy footprints leading from the stain in circles back to the fireplace.

 What goes around comes around, working in conjunction with sods law. 

 Right now, at this point in my life, I have everything I have ever wanted or needed. A warm, happy home. (Although don’t quote me on the happy bit at 2am!) A loving partner, (although if he keeps eating my chocolate…) and enough money in the bank to eat (beans) and have the occasional day out. (Code for; buy the occasional pair of shoes or totally useless, but gorgeous coat!)

 Would I like a smaller waist? Yes. Would I like perkier boobs? Yes. But ask me if I would really like these things, or would I really like to win the lottery? My answer will always be, yes, in an ideal world. But not if it means I have to lose something I already have. Because I am very happy and lucky to have the life I live. And because I know if I did win the jackpot, Mr. Sod (-ing git) would be at my door quicker than you could say ‘Whatshouldidowithmymillions, imoffshopping’ and I don’t need him in my life right now! Thanks.

 Saying that though, I would give thousands to my closest friends, thousands to the NSPCA and the RSPCA and thousands to Cancer research and thousands to the homeless… so maybe the law of sod wouldn’t apply to me in that case? Maybe he would leave my personal life alone?

And I would really like to take Addison to Walt Disney World…

 I’ll just check my numbers. Hang on, is that the doorbell?


4 Comments on “What goeth around must cometh around…

  1. Your ‘pleases’, i TOTALLY could have written myself. The whole thing also made me smile, and just between you and I, and everybody on the whole freakin internet, I believe in ghosts as well:)

    Oh and way back when, I thought Care Bears were DAMN cool, lol.

    xoxo Shelly

  2. Classic stuff – and as O’Toole reportedly said about Murphy (aka Sod) – he was an optimist! 😉

  3. I do know what I believe in and to tell you the truth it sounds a lot like what you have said in the above. I am still working on getting God to give me a smaller arse though.

  4. So so true!

    I love your blog it always really makes me smile and I tend to agree with almost every word. Even the relgion bit! (except I won’t ever think more deeply on it, life’s too short) .

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