The ‘perfect’ mother.

I am desperate to breast feed but I am struggling.
I shouldn’t give up? Breast is best?
My milk hasn’t come in at all yet the health visitor said.
So he is feeding on fresh air.
My nipples are bleeding and cracked.
I am in agony.
I should pump more and suck up the pain?
Its my fault. I’m a crap mum.
I should have had the perfect experience. Like you.
I should have prayed every night to the tit gods.
I should have learnt about scientology.
I should have re in forced my nipples with wrought iron.
I should have howled in pain like a banshee and continued to feed.
I am such a crap mum.
If only I was perfect!!

Which formula is the best?
We use SMA? The Midwife suggested it.
I should be on Aptimel? That’s better?
Aptimel has got more vitamins in it? SMA is bad for them?
He seems to be thriving on it. He is alert and nearly taking 7ounces.
He is such a good boy.
I should have read each and every label and made an informed decision?
Its my fault. I’m a crap mum.
I should have bought a cow and freeze dried its milk organically. Like you.
Not a lot of cows in Eccles.
But we could have had one in the spare room I suppose.
I could have saved up. Built an extension.
We could have had a cow farm!
I am such a crap mum.
If only I was perfect!!

We are only on 1 night feed now! We are really pleased.
He should be sleeping through?
I should try bath, massage and bedtime?
Addison hates the water. Screams blue murder
He just wants a feed. Little love.
He is overtired? I should make the bath a relaxing environment?
It’s my fault. I’m a crap mum.
I should have swam the channel in preparation. Like you.
I could have grown webbed feet if I had tried hard enough.
Turned in to a mermaid and lulled him to sleep.
I should have built a pool next to the cow farm.
I am such a crap mum.
If only I was perfect!!

Have you started weaning? It’s fun! He is always hungry!
Ive started too early? I should have waited?
He is way too young?
But he seems to love Cow and Gate rice pudding.
He likes soft carrots too. Always a bit worried about choking though!
You would NEVER give your child pre packed baby food?
It’s my fault. I’m a crap mum.
I should have gone to culinary school. Like you.
I have a phobia of eggs. They terrify me.
I could have written to Paul McKenna. I could of inspired him to write a new book. I could have befriended Delia.
I could have learnt to cook without eggs while milking the cow and doing the front crawl.
I am such a crap mum.
If only I was perfect!!

He is six months today! He rolled over. I am so proud!
He should be sitting up? He should be standing?
He is falling behind?
He seems to hate tummy time though. Loves being on his back.
Such a playful little bunny.
I should be encouraging him more?
Its my fault, Im a crap mum.
If only I had gone to the gym more during pregnancy. Like you.
I should have bought new trainers.
Ignored my dodgy knees. Put a bit of effort in.
Addison could have been running the four minute mile by now.
I could have ridden the cow, at the side of the pool, while flipping an omelette and wearing new trainers.
It’s my fault. I’m such a crap mum.
If only I was perfect!!

It is all my fault.
I am a terrible mother.
I don’t try hard enough.
I don’t make enough effort.
I am not perfect enough!!

I must try harder.
I must… I must…  I must….
Stop comparing myself to others.

My son is six months old.
His name is Addison.
He does not sleep through.
He is not reading war and peace.
He is on formula.
He likes rice pudding.
He hates the bath.
He likes ‘The bear in the big blue house.’
He likes to be cuddled when he cries.
He laughs when he hears the dog bark.
He is on his own time.
He sleep talks.
He is proud of himself after a big poo.
He is happy.

I am 31 years old.
My name is Lexy.
I am not married.
I like programmes like ‘Drop dead diva.’
I breast fed for a short time only.
I am scared of eggs.
I am over weight.
I beat myself up a lot over many ‘failures’.
I love my son.
I would do anything for my son.
I will be a working mother.
I am dreading it.
I am proud of myself every day.

I love my son.
I love my son.
I love my son.

I am trying my best.
I am doing my best.
I am trying my best.

I am not perfect.
I am not crap.
I am Addison’s mummy.

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12 Comments on “The ‘perfect’ mother.

  1. Pingback: A Post From Lexy. | This Is Mommyhood

  2. Perfect mother, you should blog about it honey.
    Sounds like you know what you’re talking about.
    Jealousy can eat you up. It’ll feel good to get it off your chest.
    Good luck and thanks for reading
    p.s your ip address is in bromley. Hmmm….

  3. Isn’t it funny how we beat ourselves up about being the ” perfect” mom, as if such a thing exists! I still struggle with this. From what I see your a great mum, keep up the good job!

  4. Just ignore this person. She is probably wracked with guilt about her mothering skills and if she isn’t then she’s clearly weird, because aren’t we all.

    My son is 18mo old
    He has only just started sleeping through (sometimes)
    He has slept many nights in his pushchair
    He hardly eats vegetables
    He love bacon & sausages
    He watches too much tele
    He sleeps with a dummy
    He is happy & healthy

    I am 36
    I am overweight
    I don’t do enough housework
    I love my son and I’m doing my best.

  5. From one imperfect mum to another…you are doing fine. I’ve found that my kids grow up fine in spite of me! We do what we can and then we move on!

  6. We beat ourselves up with bigger and bigger clubs as mums. Look on the bright side and look how happy your boy is! Hope Mummy is happier soon…..

  7. Again, I’m so glad it’s not just me that felt this! My daughter did not sleep well at all until she was about 3. Everyone had advice for me but I was doing it my own sweet way. Which suited me and suited DD. But it did not stop me from spending a ridiculous amount of time beating myself up over the whole issue. What a waste of energy that was. Looking back I’d have done everything the same – just would have been kinder to myself while I was doing it!
    I like the idea of being perfectly imperfect 🙂 And a daily chant of “my best is good enough, my best is good enough, my best is good enough…”

  8. My daughter is 22 months old.
    She never rolled over.
    She walked late.
    She was formula fed.
    She was weaned early.
    She loves fruit and veg. And bacon.
    She still has a bottle.
    She has a dummy to sleep.
    She is adorable.
    She is clever.
    She is loving.

    I am 34 years old.
    I did not breastfeed. I had no milk.
    I am a geek and twitter addict.
    I am overweight.
    I am not perfect.
    I love my daughter.
    I *am* what’s best for her.

    Great great post! Love it.

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