I dont have post natal depression.

I don’t have post natal depression.
I don’t.
I just feel down sometimes.
I don’t have post natal depression.
I don’t.
I just cry sometimes. 
I don’t have post natal depression.
I don’t.
Im just too self involved.
I don’t have post natal depression.
I don’t.
Because how dare I? 

How dare I feel down? When I have everything I have ever wanted. My whole life. Waiting for somebody who would love me for me. Somebody who would need me, like I needed them. Somebody who would laugh in the face of my faults and love me all the more. Somebody who would put their arms around me and let me cry. 

I don’t have post natal depression
I don’t.
I’m just a drama queen.
That’s what everybody says.
So It must be true. 

How dare I be a drama queen? When I have the most beautiful, happy and healthy baby boy. A baby boy I have waited for. A baby boy who smiles and whose smile says  ‘I love you mammy’. A baby boy who can take my breath away. 

I don’t have post natal depression.
I don’t.
I laugh too much. 

I laugh to myself when I catch myself feeling sorry for the man living on the street. I laugh to myself when I think of how much I miss my brother and how he should be here to see my son. I laugh to myself when I feel like breaking down at the thought of my little doggy, my first baby, feeling left out. I laugh when I catch site of myself trying to look pretty. I laugh when I feel low. 

I don’t have post natal depression.
I don’t.
I have no right to be sad.
I have everything ive ever wanted. 

What right do I have? 
  

 
 

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9 Comments on “I dont have post natal depression.

  1. I know this feeling oh so well, especially the “I don’t have the right to feel this way, look at my beautiful children, husband, home …” bur some days it just fees you and there’s nothing you can do about except hope that it passes as quickly as it came.

    I hope you feel better more often very soon x

  2. Oh my goodness you just wrote exactly what I’m feeling. It might not take those feelings away but it certainly does help to know there are other mummies going through the same thing. Sending big hugs and I’m always here if you want someone to talk to xx

  3. Keep seeing the bright side of things.

    I had post natal depression with my second child. Post natal depression is like a fog, you can’t see where you’re going and you forgot where you where in the first place.
    Only when it lifts do you realise how much it affected you.

    Keep talking and keep writing, it really helps, it will get better, the first year is always hard and just because you wanted your baby so much doesn’t mean you don’t deserve an off day now and again.

    From a bleary eyed Angie who didn’t have much sleep last night with her 10 month old. xxx

    • You just made me cry. That’s exactly how it feels. Some days I’m great and others, like today I feel like my heart is full of sadness but I’m not sure why. Just walking round the house in circles. Thankyou honey x hope sleep gets more frequent for us soon xx

  4. Those months after the little one arrives? Some of the best and worst days ever. A conundrum no mother has quite solved yet. For now, keep up the laughing…

    (Also, I notice you don’t hear about it happening to fathers. Mothereffers.)

  5. Aaaww @mammywoo. I thought maybe it was just me that felt that way!!??!!! Thanks for sharing how you feel. I love your writing style. Xxx

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