I used to listen to music all the time.
Back when I was young, free, single and happy (read; drunk) turning the stereo on while searching through a huge pile of cd’s with one hand, and grabbing my glasses and a pint of water with the other, was all part of my very brief morning routine.
The music would go on before the shower did.
Before the kettle did.
Before the make up would.
And usually before I could actually see what I would be listening to.
The music would usually be on before I was even fully conscious.
Music was my therapy.
The therapy I didn’t even realise I was getting, free of charge, from my top of the line, mega blaster, sat in the corner of my bedroom. (I do miss that chunky thing. Sometimes my iPod just doesn’t cut it. I miss slamming he cd holder down Wham! Waiting for the whirr of the Cd… Ahhh the good old days. IPod’s are just so delicate… but anyway.)
I would dress in front of the mirror listening to upbeat tunes, singing in to my hairbrush and imagining myself performing to millions… (Like I am sure we have all done.) I would point the hair dryer at my head and imagine myself in a music video as my hair blew out behind me… (Like we all did, right? RIGHT?)
I would catwalk in my work heels, up and down my tiny hallway, to some new tunes, coffee in hand, and with Doodle staring at me like I was demented, before leaving for work. (Like we all did right? RIGHT?)
I would plod about the place if I had been dumped, was about to dump, or was just generally feeling lousy, listening to Alanis Morisette and feeling every poignant word. (LIKE WE ALL DID! Right?)
I would wash up listening to show tunes. Imagining I was Cinderella, or that girl from Chicago. I would throw my soapy hands wide and belt out the tunes in my tone-deaf way, completely living in the moment and not caring who heard. (I KNOW WE ALL DID.)
It was as if each piece of music had been written for me, and was talking to me.
So when did I stop enjoying music?
When life got in the way.
When I forgot I mattered, and when my list of things to get done, got so long, there was barely time to have a wee, never mind put the radio on, or gently maneuver my iPod in to the shitty docking station in the kitchen.
Cbeebies is the soundtrack of this home now, as that is practical and I have come to terms with it.
Hard to imagine, or find enjoyment out of imagining myself as a giant blue sausage man singing ‘Iggle Piggle’ at the sink though, to be honest, so these days I tend to just wash up in silence, focusing on the task in hand. (And the other 8 million things I need to do.)
After many therapy sessions though, I am starting to see how sad this actually is and once again am beginning to see the importance of me time and finding time to do something I enjoy even if I am doing it while I wash up.
So, recently while struggling through a huge pile of bills, I found ten seconds out of my busy schedule of worrying and stressing to plug my iPod in.
And an odd thing happened.
The bills didn’t seem so bad, the task didn’t wipe me out completely and the music actually lifted my mood somewhat, as I sang along, living and loving it, in that moment.
(I may have even stood up and done a twirl.)
I was katy Perry, I was A Goo Goo doll, and I was Eminem all the while opening the motherfunking bills. (Seriously, trashy rap me has such a potty mouth!)
So on the back of this, I am going to do something I have never done before, and I am proper nervous about it.
I want to share the experience, so I am going to start a meme.
A meme called Music Therapy.
You can join in, if you would like to, no pressure though.
When I was younger, I could sometimes swear a song had been written just for me.
That the lyrics spoke to me, told my story, touched every bone in my body and recognized in me a need to be heard.
So, while I was trying to enjoy the music again, I found, once again, this began to happen.
I took twenty minutes for myself when Addison was in bed, plugged myself in to my music library and chose three songs that I had recently heard and enjoyed, and felt touched by and I copied down the lyrics that spoke to me.
I hope that makes sense.
If you would like to have a go, just pick;
3 beautiful songs.
3 different bands.
3 sets of lyrics that touch you in anyway you want to show.
Mine were all speaking to me directly, So here goes my effort.
I am not the one who broke you.
I am not the one you should fear.
I have no solution to the sound of this pollution in me.
And I want to be free, to talk to me…
Lately I’ve been hard to reach; I’ve been too long on my own
I’m just so fuckin’ depressed, I just cant seem to get out this slump
If I could just get over this hump
I took my bruises, took my lumps
Fell down and I got right back up
I don’t know how or why or when I ended up in this position I’m in
But I know one fact, I’ll be one tough act to follow
One tough act to follow
Here today, gone tomorrow…
Sometimes it feels like everything’s going wrong
And we feel like it’s all our fault
But there ain’t nothing wrong
With thinking with our hearts
And letting someone near
That storm might break you down
But you’ll get up again
And learn from your mistakes
And you will be loved be loved be loved, you will be loved be loved be loved…
I can not tell you how much I enjoyed listening to all that music, I found myself laughing at ‘The underdog’ thinking no, I cant use that. It says I will not survive!
I found myself grinning at Katy Perry ‘TGIF’ and thinking no, I cant use that in case the Irish one things i screwed someone on friday night… AHH WHAT FUN! And I reconnected with so much music!
I have really got so much out of doing this, listening to the songs, the words and finding the personal meaning to me, and to read the three I finally chose now in black and white… whoa!
Maybe I don’t hate myself as much as I thought I did.
Maybe I will be loved. Maybe I actually am a bit proud of myself for struggling through and maybe, I have shit taste in music, but the memory’s, the pleasure… well it makes me less embarrassed to share!
I honestly cannot wait to do this again in a couple of weeks to see how it has changed, I have so much music to choose from! (All just as rubbish!)
I have thought of five more, in the last ten minutes!
And I really loved doing it, I really did.
I would love to read, cannot wait to read, some of yours, from you beautiful people, so will tag the following people.
If I haven’t tagged you, it is only because I ran out of time, and the link thing was driving insane. Technology is not my forte.
I would love to read any and everybody’s!
Please join in, you never know, you may enjoy it!
I know mine is long, but your’s doesn’t have to be!
Miss barema Harshman.
If you do not have a blog, and want to take part, feel free to send me an email with your effort on, and I will include it on it’s own page.
Or why not just listen to some music??
It can’t hurt can it?
I’m going back to the washing up… with EYE OF THE TIGER!!!
”Rising up, back on the street, did my time, took my chances…”